Childhood Friends

Friends in real life, friends in pictures.  I grew up with girls that were not borne into my family, but were considered to be my sisters.   We ate and slept in each other’s houses, sometimes uninvited but mostly welcomed.  We shared stories and heartbreaks that cannot be repeated outside of our group.  We held each other up even through exhaustion.  We mostly celebrated many happy occasions together.  In-fighting was rare and we had the ability to make up quickly.  We’re fortunate that we all did not agree to break up at the same time.  There’s always one that acted as the glue during our divisiveness.

As kids, it seems like we were always together.  My childhood was mostly shaped by them. They provided the fun to my reserved life.  They were making waves while I was trying not to rock the boat.  As we grew older, it was inevitable that I would find my voice.  My girlfriends were strong and beautiful.  I think osmosis really does work.  Even as poor kids, we believed we were just as good as the next kid.  I truly struggled to make myself believe that initially.  But when I saw how proud my group of friends were of me for the simplest achievements, I believed I was good, if not better than the others.   We were the early “girl power” group.   Funny how a chance meeting lead to 38 years of friendship.  Here’s to serendipity, along with many more years of sisterhood and bonding.

I’m still the smallest, “boring-est” and nerdiest of the group.  You would think after all these years, at least one thing can change.  Nope, it is what it is.  They’re still the fun kids and I’m the mundane one.






My Photon

This past week I had to lay my Photon to sleep.  It was one of the saddest moments in recent memory.  My heart was heavy and numb.  My tears flow for the loss of a great companion and love.  And they just keep coming.  He was old and I could see he was not comfortable in his own body.  I was sure he wanted to go sooner but I asked him to stay longer for my sake.  Before I left for vacation, I knew he was planning to leave me.  I told him he couldn’t leave yet but he just looked at me and walked away.  No hugs.  No begging.  Just butt and tail putting distance between us.

For those of you who knew him, you know what a great kid he was.  He has always been my “oldest child”, the best 4-legged kid imaginable.  He was tender and kind, never aggressive, even when he was attacked.  He was always the “big brother” to my other children.  He didn’t really welcome any of the 2-legged kids as they played aggressively with him.  But he watched over them vigilantly.  He would tell on them when they tried to climb out of their crib and got stuck halfway.  He would get me whenever one of them is hanging midair between a buffet table and a stool.  Ever the doting brother, he slept with them wherever possible, as it was the only moment of peace he got during the day.

Before the 2-legged kids came along, it was just he and I.  He was my priority.  I taught him sign language as well as audio commands in preparation for old age as his hearing or eyesight would waiver.  We performed a lot of cool tricks.  Okay, maybe only one was cool but the rest were good.  I would shoot him and he laid down to play dead.  It entertained me every time.  Or, to trick him to come out for his bath, I would say, “Oh, nobody is hugging mommy.”  Slowly, he would emerge from under the bed to put his head on my shoulder.  Then into sink he went.  How that trick never falters is beyond me.

When we were attacked in the park, he was so brave.  I told him it was going to be alright and he believed me.  After a week at the vet with a couple of surgeries, I took him home to care for him 24/7.  My office and patients got to know him during that period.  He became our “little guy”.  Everyday for weeks we would change his bandage in between patients.  We took turns cuddling with him and getting him to exercise.  Patients would have him on their lap for comfort and calming effect.  He was the star of our office.  He even got Christmas cards and became a model for a doggy calendar.

At home, I remember thinking I cannot date anyone my dog does not like.  Funny enough, my dog liked everybody.  But it was my husband that I saw Photon warms to the most.  He came over every night to help take care of Photon when his body was healing.  My eyes were swollen from crying so much at the sight of torture on my poor baby’s back.  My husband’s support was heart-warming.  He never missed a day, even when he was traveling for work.  He came right back home, past midnight to be there for us.  From that, I knew he was the one and we were just friends.

Photon has always been my protector, even at only 12 pounds max.  He kept me feeling safe when we were home alone.  He loved me unconditionally, never asking for anything but food and water.  He put up with me dressing him in baby or doggy clothes.  He traveled throughout the US with me, putting up with air sickness.  From the bottom of my heart, I cannot thank him enough for being with me when he wanted to leave.  He has been a great companion to a crazy woman for 16 years without judgment or delusion.  He loved me for me, his mommy.  I could not have asked for a better puppy.  May God hold him close in Heaven and bless his little soul with a healthier body to run around in.  I know he knows I love him from beginning to end.  And I know he loves me, too.  We had a fantastic life together.  I love you, Photon, my little pocket of energy.


Unplanned Future

A few weeks ago, my 6 y.o. asked me what he should name his “little girl”.  Perplexed, I asked, “What little girl?”  Then he said, “Mommy, the little girl I’m going to have.”  He went onto explain that there was a little girl in his school that said they will marry, have 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls), he will move out of his mommy’s house, they will have their own home but he can come back to visit on the weekends, however, not every weekend.  Surprised and disheartened, I asked him who this little girl was.  He refused to tell me for fear I will confront her mother and get her in trouble.

As cute as that may sound, I don’t believe in having my son plan his life out at the age of 6. I want him to be a kid for at least another decade.  Planning so far in advance will only narrow his view of life.  I want him to explore and experience the unexpected and leave a wide-open window for adventures.  Being focus on marriage, kids and visits to his elderly mother on certain weekends kind of dim the light on living life to the fullest.

Some of the best things in life are unexpected… like him.  We planned for two kids, not three.  I cannot imagine my life without him.  I declare my love for him every single day.  I also tell him to keep an open mind for the future but he’s too young to understand that.  I’m astonished he understands the whole marriage and kid thing. Every time I question his plans, he fires back with, “Don’t you want me to experience marriage like you did?  I want to explore different houses too.”  It kind of breaks my heart but if I am a responsible mother, then he will be able to fulfil his dreams with his own abilities.

Almost anything new is complicated.  It’s the journey that makes memories, not necessarily the destination.  If you are intent on a goal, may you achieve it.  Just remember to allow other possibilities to bring you there.  There are many great blessings in my life that came from the “left field”.  Some felt like they literally popped out of thin air.  Who knew I would enjoy being a dentist so much?  As a kid, the dental office represented pain and torture.  (And you thought I couldn’t understand your angst…Hmph!)  Who knew it could also be therapeutic?  That’s just insanity!

My son likes to tell me he will love me even when we’re “ghosts”.  Those words warm my heart even though I’m afraid of talking about ghosts.  I know one day he will make another woman happy and fill her life with unimaginable bliss.  For now, I just want him to be mine and stay in love with me.  He was Darth Vader as I was his Padme for Halloween.  If he only knows how complicated relationships can be.  He likes to emphasize that he still loves me even when he’s angry with me for yelling at him.  Who could ask for more than that?  Love endures after a bump is the ultimate love.  It is also one of the best love that I have.  I wish Father Time would hold onto his youth a little longer for me.  I’m not ready for him to grow up.   He’s my best surprise ever.

MAGD Convocation

What happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas…as I went to Vegas and brought something back home. This past weekend, the AGD (Academy of General Dentistry) held their annual convention in Las Vegas, NV. The AGD is the largest organization for general dentists all over the country. With over 40,000 members and thousands more students in waiting, AGD honored hundreds of its members in the Fellowship, Mastership and Life Long Learners categories. This year, yours truly brought home the Mastership (MAGD), the highest honor bestowed to a general dentist in the AGD.
Initially, I was not overjoyed with the fact that I had to attend the traditional ceremony in order to receive my award. The idea of putting on a cap and gown for show was cheesy to me. But when I was reminded that families and offices made sacrifices too throughout my MAGD journey, I realized it was a big deal. The amount of hours put into my study, exams, presentations, services, and preparations for all that I do, receiving this recognition was an honor. Listening to my peers’ excitement had an osmotic effect on me. With almost 2000 hours dedicated to learning while trying to raise a family, manage an office and provide community services, I did need to take a moment to reflect and appreciate the accomplishments. I also need to thank all those who were involved in this extraordinary journey and took charge when I was gone. You guys are the bestEST.
I have awesome support systems, both at home and at the office.  I remember all those weekends when my youngest held onto my legs so I can’t leave the house.  Then when I came home, they all grew a little bit older and taller.  How I never missed an important event is beyond me.  The collaboration and communication I received are true blessings.
Even with all those years in post post graduate studies, I still feel that I need to learn and study more to be better. It’s an endless journey. Thank you to everyone who shared in this wonderful life experience with me. May you always strive for knowledge.  Don’t forget to take a moment for yourself as well.  Cheers!

Walking into the convocation with the dignitaries and honored guests.  Yes, one of my professors at Creighton University was there as well.  Creighton representing!


With my goofy colleagues taking selfies to commemorate our 15 minutes of being “special” amongst the sea of dentists.  It was so much fun to hang out with these two.

With my support team.  Love them so much and truly grateful to them for their undying support of all that I do.  Their encouragement to keep going provides more steam than they will ever know.


Dental Fair and College

This past weekend I took my daughter with me to a health fair.  I volunteered to help out.  There was a dental screening and the place was set up to be more of a community resource center than a health fair.  There was another dentist present and the room was small so I decided to sit outside and explain to patients how to brush and floss instead.  Because my daughter has never been to one, I decided to show her a part of my work outside the office.  She could also serve as a translator for me for the Mandarin speaking population.

As we sat under the tent with the sun glaring on our right, she asked how does one really floss and brush properly.  I handed her my flyer to read.  She asked why I had to emphasize the obvious.  I explained that not everyone has the advantage of having a dentist as a mother to show them how to floss and brush properly from the age of two.  As she sat and listened to questions directed at me by different groups of people, she began to understand how even old adults don’t know dental basics, like brushing the tongue side of your teeth.  Initially, she was shy about speaking Mandarin to an elderly couple.  But when she saw their struggle with my explanation, she started to speak in a very soft and low volume.  I think they were more surprise at her Mandarin than her actually trying to explain things to them.  I don’t know what she said but I was proud that she tried to translate for them.

We sat for a couple of hours.  She moved around and about to look at other booths.  She loved the library booth as libraries are her favorite places.  Not to mention, they were giving out mood pencils.  The color on the pencil changes as you continue to hold it.  She even asked for 2 extra ones for her brothers.  She heard me explain the college process to a teenager whose mom has never gone to college.  I also explained how different professions operate in healthcare.  My daughter said, “I thought you were a dentist.”  I am.  But since I know what that process is like, why not share and try to get the teenager to think beyond her boundaries.  Then she asked if I knew the teenager.  I didn’t.  I was just aiming to expand her vision for her future.  As my daughter listened and observed throughout the day; she appreciated my work more.  “You help a lot of people”.  I didn’t think so.  I can explain things in a way that makes it easier to understand, be it dentistry or college.  Not to mention, I’m all for girls going to college and empowerment.  When she helped me cleanup to go home, she said, “I like doing things with you.”  That made my day.

This week she earned a prize for completing a song in music class.  She picked out a Transformer toy she knew her younger brother would enjoy.  She brought it to him and told him he needs to be nice in school and listens well in order to open it this weekend.  She told me she did that to encourage him to think about his future.  He has been behaving badly in class recently.  She wanted to help him get back on his path for advancement.  My heart melted.  Mission: Accomplished (for now).